Wacky Interview for Authors

It seems authors often get asked the same questions from one interview to the next. Not always, but a lot. It was time, I decided, for a new approach. So, this interview is designed to break out of the mold. On each of these questions, there is simply no right answer. Let’s see just how creative these creative minds are! It’s all in fun, of course. -Karen

Today we welcome talented author, Douglas Wickard, to the weird world of wacky interviews.

1. Where were you that night, and why? 
… giving up my jeans… you promised you wouldn’t bring that up if I did the interview!!

2. Do you deny that a crock pot was used last week? Expound on your answer.
No. I only deny what was cooked in it… (evil laugh)

3. Obviously the following phrase is an obscure, indirect reference to something else. What is the real significance of this sentence: Radishes are reputed to be good for digestion. (be specific please)
Remember? It was our CODE after finishing my meal prepared in the crock pot… excuse me… (burp)…   (What has happened to my memory? -K)

4. In your novel, A Perfect Husband, a serial killer lurks in the basement of a remote cottage. About that basement....did you hire an interior designer to decorate that basement, or did you simply handle the job yourself? If so, what qualifies you to make these important decorating decisions and did you give any thought to feng shui or the marriage of function to form? What about ambiance? Do you feel at all guilty about putting your well-crafted characters into a basement that has not been professionally decorated?
In my mind… I AM an interior decorator, publisher, editor, doctor, lawyer, surgeon…killer!  So, my characters will just have to DEAL!

5. Why do you maintain a relationship with Warden Gordon Schmordon, a man who clearly resents your success? And what is the main theme of your conversations together?
Ice-skating. He is a great fan of ice-skating, as I am. We have lavish discussions on choreography. He is very competitive though, as you know, and sometimes leaves in a huff because I don’t give him enough attention while watching. Childish, I know!

6. What’s the fourth sentence on page 110 of your novel, A Perfect Husband? If it’s really short, please include the next sentence as well.  
“We ended up having to call the fire department. The whole contraption went up in flames.”

7. Do you prefer to use 100% cotton or are you willing to substitute a blend? Explain your reasoning and how this concept is intricately related to your writing.
Always 100% cotton – and I write in the nude so it relates intimately—not intricately! (Ha! Authors are always saying they write in the nude...we don’t believe it. -K)

8. Fill in the blanks:

The night I was kidnapped, a mysterious fog hung low in the valley, and my accountant’s neighbor called hysterically in the murky darkness.

9. Do you really think it was proper to put your great-aunt’s bloomers in your last garage sale? Go ahead, defend your actions. More importantly, how much were you paid for them?
Wouldn’t you? They were Rosalind Russell’s and I fetched a killing – can’t divulge how much due to tax reasons.

10. If Stephen King called you today with an important question, what would he ask you?
You got a good plot point I can glean?

11. If my unemployed cousin, Bert (who has an aversion to bathing & remorselessly hogs the TV remote) shows up to visit you, where can he stay? Will you give up your room?
Absolutely not! Your other cousin Bertha is STILL here. One is enough!

12. You are busy writing when a ghoulish spirit drops down from the ceiling and begins to annoy you. How will you handle this unwelcome interruption?
Ahhh! She’s trained in deep tissue back massage – and she only visits when I’m writing, because as I told you earlier – I go commando. (You’re going to get the ladies all riled up if you keep mentioning this! -K)

12. Do you realize this question is numbered inaccurately? What do you make of that?
Yes. An aversion to #13 meaning you must be superstitious. (Good guess, but incorrect. It’s because I like to limit these interviews to a dozen questions. -K)

12. Are these your jeans?
Yes! And, I want them back. Please.


Author bio:
Small town boy from Ohio escapes the farmlands by enlisting in the U.S. Navy at 16, travels the world, ends up in Los Angeles with a Medical Technology degree, but soon moves to the Big Apple to pursue his art. A PERFECT HUSBAND is Douglas's first published novel. He currently resides in Los Angeles and is working on the Sami Saxton sequel, A PERFECT SETUP. He lives by himself but can't wait to adopt another Weimaraner and call him BLUE. Visit Douglas's website here.


A lethal serial killer has taken up residence in the basement of Sami’s remote cottage, using her father’s carpenter table for a hobby much more sinister than woodcutting. Sequestered deep within forty-two acres of tall pine trees, bristling brooks and fresh water lakes, Sami Saxton is about to fight for her life. The hard truth… nobody will ever hear her scream!

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