It seems authors often get asked the same questions from one interview to the next. Not always, but a lot. It was time, I decided, for a new approach. So, this interview is designed to break out of the mold. On each of these questions, there is simply no right answer. Let’s see just how creative these creative minds are! It’s all in fun, of course. -K

Today we welcome RS Guthrie, who provides very candid responses to our questions.

1. Grace, Dinetta, and Rhona went to a bar on the east side to have a drink and perform karaoke. What time did they arrive and why did they not appear earlier? What song did they sing?

The trio didn't arrive until twenty minutes after twelve. They would have arrived at the karaoke scene much earlier but Dinette offered Grace a loan of $60 while standing on the street corner (Grace had forgotten her purse) and local undercover cops on a prostitution sting arrested the pair. Rhona, knowing the disrepute of the department in that district, was finally able to get her two friends released by bribing the desk sergeant. At the bar they sang "Swing Low Sweet Chariot".

2. Things have been said about you. This is your opportunity to respond to the most prevalent rumor and either refute it or confirm it. By the way, what is the rumor?

I feel vindicated to finally have this public forum to respond to the rumor that, unlike "everyone" in the old saying, I have two assholes. The truth is I have three (two in the normal location and one on the bottom of my left foot). And may I ask for the record, who knew they made Depends for feet?

3. What is the real significance of the following phrase? A cluster of unidentified flora provided a backdrop for the ceremony. (be specific please)

That phrase is extraordinarily significant because 75-80% of the ceremony's attendees were botanists, so for the cluster of flora to go unidentified (particularly when it provided such a perfect backdrop) is a complete disgrace to the profession.

4. Do you deny that heads don’t really roll very well? Expound on your answer.

To be fair, the saying is that heads will roll, not that they will do so particularly well. That said, it's always been my experience that head-rolling depends on several key factors:

1. Nose size. An extraordinarily long, pointed nose is anathema to a well-rolled head, constantly catching (and even sticking) in the ground.

2. Weather conditions. If there has been too much rain, a head just won't roll far in a field of sloppy mud (its movement more resembles a slide than a roll). A smooth hillside on a dry day is by far your best chance at an excellent roll.

3. The anger of the individual throwing the head. If a person is mad enough, a head can be made to roll very ,very well.

4. Whether or not a guillotine is involved. In most official executions heads drop straight into baskets with no opportunity to prove or disprove the theory.

5. How many times have you contacted Xavier in the last few days and what is the reason you continue this stalking behavior?

I'm with Xavier right now; I never leave his side. Turns out if I am there when he files the paperwork I can normally convince the authorities I'm no stalker but rather we are just two people having a stupid argument.

6. What’s the sixth sentence on page 122 of your novel? If it’s really short, please include the next sentence as well.

"I smelt him," Ty said flatly. "I'd know that stink water anywhere."

7. Is it true you once attended a Tupperware party uninvited and then refused the refreshments? If not, why is it not true?

It's true I was not invited to the party, but I never refused the refreshments. I put them in the Tupperware I stole.

8. If you had a bag butler, what would his main purpose be? Explain your reasoning and how this concept is intricately related to your writing.

Since a "bag man" is a professional responsible for eliminating people you need out of your life, I would assume a "bag butler" is an extremely refined version of the same type of person. And who can write when there's a murder to be committed?

9. You are running late for an important meeting or appointment. When you reach your vehicle, you discover a rooster inside. How do you handle the situation? And what was so important about your meeting?

I practice voodoo at least three night per week, so discovering the rooster in my car is really just a minor setback (it means my mistress has decided to stop sleeping with me and has fallen in love with my cousin, Enrique). The meeting was a family intervention for Enrique but I'm not going now; he and my mistress have clearly skipped the country (rooster versus hen).

10. If Chuck Norris personally called you later today, what would he want to discuss with you?

How it is that all these amazing feats have been attributed to him rather than me.

11. Two wine bottles, a couple of pears, and a half-full glass. What have I just described?

A very optimistic view of the glass.

12. What famous celebrity inspires you when you make home gardening decisions, and why?

Alfred Hitchcock. Since November his remains have been buried in my garden.

12. Do you realize this question is numbered inaccurately? What do you make of that?

Alfred Hitchcock. Since November his remains have been buried in my garden.

            RS Guthrie

Author bio:
R.S. Guthrie is working on his fourth novel. He currently lives in Colorado with his beautiful wife, Amy, three Australian Shepherds, and a Chihuahua who thinks she is a forty-pound Aussie. It is a widely known fact that the canines rule the Guthrie household.

In his third novel, R.S. Guthrie has delivered his magnum opus, New West thriller. Dark Prairies carves into twenty-first century small town Wyoming at both its worst and its finest hours and does so in the depths of love, loss, loyalty, betrayal, greed and vengeance.

At the story's core is a man--a law officer--made widower by his wife's own brother, hurt by the estranged love of his child, and torn by the murder that he must solve while living in a reality he can barely face. Love, grief, revenge, human failings, redemption---all set against a countryside so starkly majestic one can hardly imagine evil there; truly one of the last places on earth where the mountains tower above the flatness of prairie and a person can still see from horizon to horizon.

Dark Prairies link: